the first i love you

it is neither just a feeling nor just a commitment...neither an just experience nor just a choice...it is a mixture of everything...

never thought i would say this seemed to be a cliche sentence-i love you- at this stage of my life. may be it seemed to be cliche to somebody who does not mean what s/he says. but for me it is like a sacred object. something placed in an altar. untouchable.

maybe those who know me would at first laugh at me since this is the first time i would admit that i love somebody. but i do not care about their would-be reaction. i would not limit myself just because they find it unusual.

i do not know even until now where i found that courage to tell him first that i love him. it was the boldest thing i did. i did not even care what would be his reaction or comment to my statement. i all cared was to let him know. period.

moreover, i did not even expect a favorable answer (or was his answer really important?). but it came to my mind what if he wont say the same. however, i dispense that idea not because i was thinking he loves me too and he does not want to tell me but i was thinking loving is not a reciprocal obligation. i do that you may do. it is not like working in a firm expecting for a compensation. it is more than what words could say and what deeds could express.

i could still remember the first time he held my hand. every second we were together. every laughter we shared. every moment our eyes crossed. it may sound i am obsess with this man. but one thing is certain i am happy with his presence in my life.

i love him because i love him.

i do not have plans of finding more reasons why i love him. for if i do, it is no longer love, it is logical. it is being logical when one finds reason in loving. i do not accept those statements like, "i love because you are good to me", "i love you because you do a lot of things for me"...and all those statements expressing the reasons why one loves another except for the reason of love.

one thing remarkable about him. he is the opposite of what i thought of an ideal man when i was young. during that age, the meaning of an ideal man is usually determined by the attributes he has. but now it is totally different. he is an ideal man because i love him. not because he loves me.
if they say that an ideal man is always an ideal man. i beg to disagree...anybody could be somebody's ideal man if one starts loving him.

i never thought that first "i love you" will be followed by more iloveyous. i tell him whenever i want. i am more courageous now since that first moment of revelation. i may not be able to express my love for him in various ways like other girls do but i am thinking saying those three sacred words is one of those.

one thing is certain...when he says iloveyou or iloveyoutoo, it brings a distinct and overwhelming impact on me.

i love you...

"correct me if i am wrong...i highly appreciate it..."...-betterment seeker-